Why So Many Women Think Something Is Wrong With Them with Ellen Scherr
What if nothing is wrong with you…you’ve just never been told what’s happening?
In this episode of Roar, Danielle Davies sits down with therapist, coach, and writer Ellen Scherr to talk about a phase of life many women experience—but very few fully understand.
Because for many women, it doesn’t start with a clear moment or a diagnosis—It starts with a feeling.
Something is off, something has changed, and no one seems to have a clear answer.
Danielle and Ellen explore what happens when women try to make sense of changes that aren’t well explained, openly discussed, or consistently experienced.
Together, they talk about
🔥 Why so many women assume something is “wrong” with them
🎤 The gap between what women experience and what they’re told
🧠 How medical dismissal contributes to confusion and self-doubt
🌿 Why these changes are rarely talked about openly
💥 The challenge of symptoms that don’t look the same for everyone
📣 How lack of language makes it harder to seek support
👑 The emotional toll of navigating something you don’t fully understand
⚡ Why validation can be just as important as treatment
Ellen’s work reminds us that confusion is not a personal failure—it’s often the result of not being given the full picture.
This conversation is for anyone who has ever thought, “What is happening to me?" during midlife, and felt like they were the only one.
🔑 Key Takeaways
You are not the only one experiencing this.
Lack of information often leads to self-doubt.
Not all women experience this the same way.
Medical systems don’t always provide full explanations.
Understanding what’s happening can change how you experience it.
Listen to ROAR with Danielle Davies: Women, Culture & Impact on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts. New conversations every Tuesday.
Full Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and lightly cleaned up. It may contain small errors.
As that estrogen level decreases, a number of other things happen in terms of what's going on in our brain. And then if when we start to lose that, it start to take it takes some of those filters out. So some of those neural chemicals were the caused us to be people pleaser or to keep our anger under control. That was Ellen Sher and this is Roar. Hi everybody.
This is Danielle Davies, the host of Roar. I think a lot of women my age are hitting a moment, usually a midlife moment, where they realize they just can't do things the way they used to. Not because they don't want to try harder, but because their tolerance is gone, their patience is gone, and their ability to perform is gone. Ellen Sher is a therapist, coach, and writer whose work has helped thousands of women make sense of that moment. Her Substack, Life Branches, grew from zero to over 15,000 readers almost overnight when she wrote about what she calls the great unfuckening.
What I appreciate about Ellen's perspective is how grounded it is in real life. Not fixing women, but helping them understand what's changing and why. Today we're talking about women in midlife, why it can feel like everything's falling apart, why that doesn't mean something's wrong, and how this phase can actually become one of the most honest, powerful, and freeing time of our lives. Ellen, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me.
So, let's just dive in here. A lot of women hit midlife. I know this has happened to me. You feel like something is wrong with them. I actually had a friend a couple years ago who was like, "There's something wrong.
All I feel is rage. And we laughed. We laughed. But you know, patience is gone. Tolerance seems to be diminishing.
The things that we used to spend hours. I remember when my son was in preschool, I had no problem slicing strawberries and making them all mice to turn. And now I would be like just under no circumstances would this be something I would engage in. From what you see, what is actually happening? So what we're not aware of is all the chemical changes that are going on in our brain.
And so that's why we think there's something wrong with us because doctors kind of poo us away, you know, oh honey, you know, you're just going through pmenopause and then just, you know, kind of deal with it. But no one usually explains what's really going on. And at least when I was going through it, it wasn't out in the public as much as it is now. There's probably more information and research for women to go to to learn, but for some reason, nobody's talking about it. It's still kind of a not shameful, but unless it's a close friend or your mother, you're not really going to talk about it.
" Well, and you know, you talk about the chemical the changes and I think that there has been, which I am greatly appreciative of, a big push in like our modern conversation about hormone therapy or that menopause is like the physical symptoms of menopause. That's that's the challenge is it's not one the same thing for every woman. It's so across the board, which makes it even more difficult for us to educate ourselves. Isn't it true? So many doctors do prescribe anti-anxiety medication at that point because that's like the first presenting thing.
Yeah. Cuz they're not paying attention. They're just like, "Okay, she's giving me all these symptoms. I've got a lot of anxiety. " Whatever it might be.
So yeah, first thing typically an MD is going to do is take out their prescription pad and write anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, whatever it might be. But that's that's not what it's about. What is it about? I mean, why does why do we feel like we're losing our minds even when nothing is wrong on paper? Man, that's that's I think the part that is like a little bit chilling when doctors do say even well-intentioned ones say this is totally normal.
Like are you sure because I'm enraged, you know? I mean, I know that my friend who mentioned the rage didn't think it was normal. That's why she was talking about it. Why does it feel like that so often? like we're because on another post I wrote I made a comment that said estrogen is the popular girl at the party.
Oh yes. And when she leaves, everyone leaves. Can you explain that for us? We underestimate all the different neurochemicals that are going on that estrogen coordinates and synthesizes with other neurochemicals. So as that estrogen level decreases, a number of other things happen in terms of what's going on in our brain.
And then if when we start to lose that it start to take it takes some of those filters out. So some of those neurochemicals were the caused us to be people pleaser or to keep our anger under control. Now all of a sudden you strip that away and what do you have left? " It's because you don't have that to help control those processes in your brain anymore. And so it's not it's a it's a severe hormonal thing.
It's funny. someone typically the men have not responded really well on the comments. Oh, really? Yeah. I think I'm some feminist now or something.
I don't know. Gotcha. Gotcha. But one gentleman said, "Well, I wish women would stop blaming it on the hormones, but they don't understand. That's what it is.
It is the hormones. So they think it this is like a hall pass at school, you know, to give us the right to do something. But our brain literally is changing and we can't help it. Okay, real quick. If you're listening and thinking more women should be hearing conversations like this, the best way to support the show is just to follow or subscribe wherever you are.
It really does help it reach more people. Thanks so much. Okay, back to the show. It's crazy how it's like that change with that with the estrogen decline and everything else that changes affects so many facets of us. last year I was in Hawaii taking my son to school and it's was super hot.
Like it was ungodly hot and I was not yet on HRT therapy and I was having hot flashes and just a bunch of different things. And he was like if you blame one more thing on pmenopause cuz I was like I can't do it. I have permenopause. I was like I'm my knees hurt because of pmenopause. I'm tired because of everything was back to that.
But it really is so all-encompassing. It is. It I mean it's not a hall pass, but it does explain a lot of what's going on. Yeah. I mean, we still h as an adult still have to manage how we maintain and control our anger when we're feeling rage.
Okay. But it becomes more challenging. Something maybe we're not used to doing before. So now before my anger level was I get angry and I went from a zero to three. Okay.
Now all of a sudden I'm going from zero to 10. Now what do I do? Like holy [ __ ] Like this is not me. Like what is going on here? And the challenge is most men don't understand that which is very common like for spouses or partners to make those comments.
Yeah. And to be like a little surprised. And I and I feel like between that and culturally the kind of invisibility aspect that happens to women after they've hit a certain age, we're we're culturally taught to see midlife as a decline. Absolutely. Why is that such a damaging story for women?
And what's really a truer one, another version of that? Because you talk about that it's not necessarily a decline. No, I used it as a opportunity to change my whole entire life. And but we're not taught that we can use this time now. There's so many advantages we have at a certain point in our life in terms of experience and wisdom and what we really in our heart want to do versus what we thought we did or what we did because society or our parents thought we should.
you know, I got my degree in finance. Like, I hate finance. You know, it was it was because I could get a good job. So, what are some of these changes you're seeing like from your perspective or what, you know, when you said they're they're kind of secret? Well, I don't know if you said secret, but I feel like they're almost like secret powers.
Like you, you know, you hit a certain age and you've got all this stuff you didn't know that could be that you could you could feel sad. And there's there's parts of that, too, right? for who you were, but there's also this new you. What are some of the things you're seeing from some of patients? And obviously, no HIPPA violation here.
Just are you seeing people start to embrace that Yeah. Yeah. And I'm helping push them to embrace that. So, for instance, I just had a client, I still have a client, she's 47, not married, hasn't been married, living in California, and hates her life. Go, what are you doing?
I don't know. I got a job and blah blah. You know, the whole thing. I said, well, what are you really? She goes, I really want to move to Colorado.
So, I just pushed her to move to Colorado. Oh, I think she's moving in another couple weeks. Oh my gosh. So, it's like taking the anger and the feeling unaligned. And a lot of it's fear.
And I help people with that fear cuz, you know, it's human nature for all of us to go, "Nah, I can't do that. I got a job. " You know, we think all the negative stuff. What happens? We do the what ifs, which are the kiss of death in mental health.
And what if this happens? what I she's going she doesn't have a job. She's not she's not going to be able to work remote from her job. So, she's scared to death. But do you tell people to embrace these things anyway?
Yeah. I said, "You're a smart, intelligent woman. You've got a lot of work experience. " That sounds really scary. It is.
She's spectrified, but she's going to do it anyway. She's doing it anyway. So, what we decided to do was she'd take a long weekend there to test to see. Okay. And so, over the holidays, that's what she did.
I've never seen her so happy on the next call. And she was beaming. She was walking the dog. She took her dog with her, walking the dog, met all these people. And I said, "Okay, well, there's your decision.
" So, it's like harnessing this fear and this all these feelings and channeling and then that's what your main area of expertise is. Yeah. Like there's nothing. Yeah. Is it scary?
Of course it is. Okay. Do I have a magic wand to know that she's going to find a job? No, I don't. Okay.
And I can't guarantee that. But I wouldn't advise somebody to do something if I didn't feel comfortable. They had enough skills and experience and motivation to do something else. And she does. And now I know it's going to happen because she's manifesting it in the universe because she's going to be so happy in another 30 days when she's in her new place in Colorado.
Yeah. That her motivation. So in addition to that, we're also looking at her doing a whole change of career. So her discontent. So you're basically saying like if there's a discontent that happens in midlife is it first of all is that universal?
Is everybody feeling like a midlife discontent? No. Mm- But when they are, you're helping people reframe it? Yes. Because it's natural for especially as women for us to push it down to say, "No, we're too old.
No, we can't do that. My kids are still home. " Whatever it might be. Okay, you're always going to have that negative part. The our brains inherently have what's called a negativity bias.
And so we're always going the first thoughts are always going to be negative whether we like it or not. That's just inherent in our in our DNA. So we have to overcome that. And so I also help women overcome what I call what's called cognitive distortions. " So, I teach people how to shut that down to move forward.
And that's the biggest challenge we have in mental health is we let the our thoughts control us because our thoughts control our emotions and our emotions control our behavior. People think it's the opposite. They think we feel first, then we think something, and then we react. But that's not true. Everything starts up here.
So, you know, I'm thinking back to that Langston Hughes poem, A Dream Deferred, and it's it's making me think of this woman who's going to move to Colorado, or anybody who is having some kind of some kind of midlife angst that's coming to a head, and you're kind of helping them get through those thoughts to pass the fear to the real actual crux of the situation. Surely sometimes people don't do it, right? Sometimes people are like, "No, I have to wait till the kids are 35 or I have grandchildren now. " You know, that's like a whole you're in that shift. What happens when those dreams are deferred or that longing isn't addressed because what we do is we stuff it and think it's going to go away and it doesn't.
It just stays in our nervous system and so that's what makes us unhappy. So, there's other ways to make yourself happy and change your life without moving to a different state and changing careers. Can you give me some of those examples? I one client, she hasn't painted in ages, works full-time, has some young kids. I don't have the time.
You know, it's what we all say. I'm a mom. You know, my kids are grown. But, of course, you know, I was a working mom. I didn't have time either.
We put our own interests and things bes before we put everybody else's before our own. So of course we don't have any time left over. So we use that as an excuse. So what I do is I work with tell me what your schedule is. What are you doing?
Telling me you can't find a half hour on a Saturday morning to take out a canvas and paint for a half hour. So it can be it can be those changes can be small changes. They don't have to be these enormous shifts, right? Don't have to be enormous. Most of the time it's not.
Okay. In my case it was because it was thrown at me. It wasn't like I made a decision. So when I turned 46 I had decided to change my career. I was in corporate America.
I was in sales. Hated every minute of it. And prior to that, when it started the year before, I started trying to think of what I wanted to do. I had no idea. And that's another thing most women don't.
We don't know. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I've been doing this for 25 years and I hate it. So, now what? So, I took a year back and forth.
Finally decided to go back to get my MA to go to grad school and get my masters. I'm sorry. How old were your kids at this point? My daughter was 11 and my son was 14. Okay.
So you were in the thick of it still. Okay. Yeah. And so took me a long time, you know, a year to decide that took had to take out like $40,000 loan and I got two young kids. Okay.
I didn't make the decision lightly. And two weeks, literally two weeks after I started classes, I'd only been to classes two times. And my son, my son, my husband of 18 years decided he didn't want to be married anymore and he left. Oh, okay. So now you're all you've everything's fractured and shifted.
Everything like I'm shocked. The kids are shocked. It's out of nowhere. I don't know what I'm going to do financially. I just started school.
I haven't been in school in 20 plus years, whatever it was. Okay. So, it was a basket case. " Okay. I am not letting this put a damper on my life.
This is what I want to do. Somehow, someway, I'm going to figure out a way to do it. Don't ask me how. I look back on it how I did it cuz he wasn't supporting me. I I don't I don't know how I did it.
And the universe decided to put me in pmenopause at the same time. Wow. So you are speaking from so much experience when you advise women. Yeah. So I made it through three life events at the same time.
Well, you know, and there's obviously in your case in so many cases. Well, in your case because there's a separation too from your past then current life. There's real grief there, right? I mean, this wasn't something you were signing up for. But often times, even if it is something you sign up for, there is some grief, not for who we are becoming, but for who we used to be.
I mean, sometimes I look back at my little self-making strawberry mice and I'm like, "Oh my god, she was adorable. " How do women make peace with that without turning it into shame or stuckness or just prolonged grief? Mhm. It's interesting you said that because when well, I have a new product that's coming out that's going to be an assessment primarily just for midlife women. It should come out in another couple weeks.
Oh, good. Okay. and that is going to help women determine where they're at. Meaning, what I hear a lot is, "I'm stuck. I don't know what's wrong.
I don't know what I want. " So this will give more clarity to that. Then I'm offering a consulting package that will an 8week package that will then help you lead you to where you need to be. And the reason I'm bringing it up is because the first thing I tackle in that program is dealing with grief. Because the biggest thing that keeps us from moving forward is the would a could a shouldas and the and the grief that we don't allow ourselves to feel to move on.
I hear it all the time. Wow, I wish I wouldn't have done this. Wow, I wish I should have done that. Okay. And we're still so focused on that it clouds our judgment to be able to move forward.
You can't you can't move forward if you're still grieving. Yeah. " No. I got to put that out of my mind. It's It's not I can't go backwards.
" So, we've got to get past these things, though. Mhm. And is part of that just acknowledging it? I mean, how do you part of it is controlling learning how to control those thought processes? Gotcha.
Okay. And that's what you can help with. Gotcha. I have a technique that I teach. Actually, I put it in one of my posts.
that and Ellen, I'm going to link to all your posts in the show notes, too, so we'll have them. But that those eliminating those cognitive distortions because those synapses and neurotransmitters automatically connect without you paying attention to it. So based on your childhood life experiences, social what whatever okay you those are automatic in your brain. The challenge is most of them are unhealthy and so we have to undo that. And the best part is number of years ago I mean 20 plus scientists uncovered that our brain is actually neuroplastic.
And so the great disco that was such a great discovery because it said just because those connections connect in a certain way doesn't mean they have to stay that way. We do have the ability to change that. So if I grew up as a people pleaser, I don't have to stay a people pleaser. I can work on those thoughts that create that beha that emotion and that behavior and undo that. That is so interesting because I think a lot of times people are like going forward, you know, if you're a parent and or a spouse, you're in a relationship and you're a parent, you're running so much on empty, you are who you are.
You don't have time to think about neuroplasticity or changing your brain. you're thinking about packing a lunch and getting somebody out the door. I mean, there's a lot of years that go by where you're you feel like you're running on a treadmill, but when you finally come out on the other side, I feel like so much of us are like, well, now it's been like this for 40ome years. I'm stuck this way. Like, this is who I am.
But you're saying it is changeable. Does do people need a therapist to make these changes or do they are there books? Are there practices meditation? You do it do it on your own. I still do it.
So one of my biggest cognitive mine used to be negative thinking. So based on crappy childhood life experiences, my glass was always half empty. And when I got to grad school, I said not a healthy way to go through life. So I did some research and uncovered what needs to be done and just kind of put it together in a way that people could manage it and change it. And I still use it today.
My biggest one right in life right now is the whatifs. Well, what if this happens? Well, what I can't do that because what if that happens? So, anytime I do that, I have to train my brain to shut those thoughts down. Oh, wow.
You're so cognizant of it. That's awesome. Takes a long time to get there and easy. I bet. I bet.
Because that's why so many of us think we're just locked in as who we are. And but I but you know this kind of almost lines up like we can change our brains through work obviously takes a long time but there's also the part again with the great unfuckening where you where some parts you're like I don't like this I want to change it about myself and then other parts you're like I don't like this and I'm going to change this because this no longer makes me happy. Whether that's the color of your hair, the garden you have in your backyard, the car you drive, or even friendships and relationships. And I feel like a lot of times you see relationships under a microscope. Why do some relationships deepen in midlife while others fall away?
And what do you see people who are like ready to shift that dynamic? What have they kind of figured out that the rest of us haven't? Well, what happens is sometimes we go overboard. You know, as women, we go gungho. Like, I'm going to stop being a people pleaser.
I'm saying no to everything. You know, whatever. Okay? You can't go so far to one extreme where the people that are important into your life are like, who is this person and what is going on? but you have to remember in a relationship that men don't really understand what's going on.
Women don't know enough to communicate what's going on. And so, as that estrogen and other neurochemicals are decreasing, it allows us to all of the sudden say, you know what, I'm tired of watching the football game on Sunday. Watch football on Sunday anymore. and we didn't have our brain actually was covered with all those other things that still enabled us to keep in that same pattern. So, it's a combination of our thoughts, where we are in life, what we've experienced, and what it is that you want to change.
What are you tired of? And I didn't realize how many people suffer from people pleasing. And that's inherent in most women. Think about how we're raised. Well, you know, be nice.
Yeah. Sugar and spice. That's why I couldn't make it in corporate America. I can't even tell you how many times I got fired cuz I opened my mouth. I questioned.
Oh, cuz you weren't nice. Okay. Cuz you or you weren't being nice. You weren't being the people pleaser. I'm It's funny.
I'm the opposite. I will if somebody knocks into me, I find myself apologizing. Oh, I'm sorry that I stood here. you know, and you have to you have to learn to move past that. But how do women tell the difference between, you know, you talked about going all the way?
Like we'll be like, and that's it. There's no more of this. How do you tell the difference between disengaging and getting clearer? That's just a practice. That's just learning how to do it.
It's learning what to say and how to manage it. Okay? So, you it's a p it's a habit. You learn the habit. So, you're used to saying, one of the things women do at work all the time, and not just because you bumped into somebody.
I do that, too. " What are they sorry for? So, I teach women how to get out of that habit. It's very demeaning. Yeah.
Why are we apologizing? I'm sorry, but I need to ask you this question or whatever it is. Okay. That's just who we are. That's but part of that is society forces us to go into that box.
Which is why I never fit in that box because I'd say no, this is not working. They don't like they don't like people challenging. They just want people to just do. Yeah. Yeah.
And especially if you know you're you're raised as a woman in this culture, you're that's typically the role that we've had as like nurturer, taking care of things, apologizing, all those estrogen happy things, right? Our oxycottton and our dopamine and our estrogen, all that plays into what we are brought up with as a society. So when you see women start to to kind of embrace this version of themselves, women who've spent decades achieving or proving and pushing and pulling and molding themselves into the societal box by way of their fabulous estrogen. Maybe they're they're using that to kind of help them along with that. What does success start to look like in this phase when the estrogen starts to go and we're like kind of owning a little bit more of you know our rougher edges or the parts that maybe aren't so nurturing.
I mean we all are multifaceted. That's just this is just one part of us that's like over softening, right? That's that's why we get at some point not every woman a lot of women are probably content with how their life is and you know what's working for them but other times when we when we go in pmenopause it activates this what I the f it mode like I can't do this anymore tired I'm tired of living my life in the way other people think I should be living it. But a lot of things go into that. So for example, 5 years ago, I decided that I was on vacation in Florida and came back to Chicago and I said to my kids, I'm moving to my happy place.
And what did they say? I lost it. So they go, "Okay, so I bought a house online. " that they thought I was nuts. And are you in Florida now?
Well, so then I decided to come back only because my son is giving me grandchildren. Okay. So it's funny cuz I said to him, you know, I don't know if I would have moved like knowing that, but you weren't married at the time. So, you know, of course, I got a typical, you know, response. Well, mom, what do you think was going to happen?
I don't know. I wasn't paying attention. I was just moving to my happy place. And so, I decided, it was a hard choice. In August, I made a decision that I needed to move back to Chicago so I could be part of my grandkids lives.
Wow. So, last Sunday, I bought a condo in Florida. So, you have it just for your happy place? Yeah, I'm going to leave two weeks from now. Wait, are you leaving for good or you're going to just go back and forth now?
Just go back and forth. I don't know how I'm going to do it financially. I'm not a millionaire. I don't have a trust fund. I'm just determined I'm going to make it work cuz I hate the winters here, so I should be miserable.
Quick pause because if you're listening to Roar, I have a feeling you're exactly the kind of person I write for. I send out a Substack newsletter where I go a little deeper, more personal stories, behind the-scenes thoughts, and honestly, some of the things we don't always say out loud here. com. I'd love to have you there. And now, back to your regularly scheduled podcast.
Ellen, I love that you're just digging into it because I was about to be like, well, how can women start, you know, if your energy is becoming precious or you're, you know, because first of all, the other part is we're realizing life is finite, right? We also, we know this, we know this from day one, but as you get to, I remember when I turned 50, I was like, I've always said I want to live to 120. No, I don't. But good for you. " Really, I at best have 50 years left.
Like, and obviously that's a that's a really big like outlandish number. But so realistically, we don't have we're we're on the scale moving downwards, right? Even if we are living the best most healthy versions of ourselves. So you start to realize time is finite and your life as the biggest resource you've got is finite. So you want your energy is precious, your time is precious.
You want to pick and choose. And I was going to say, how do people do it more intentionally without blowing up their lives? But I think the blowing up your life version sounds pretty fun. Yeah. I won't even have a bed when I get there cuz I moved all my furniture back here.
So I guess I'll go to Walmart and buy an air mattress for a while. So, you're just going to make it work? Just going to make it work. Are you afraid? Sorry.
Oh, cuz I know that's what I want. I know that's what's going to make me happy. I'm counting days till I can go see sunshine and warmth. Were you were you as apt to believe in yourself to this ability or believe in just the universe protecting you, God protecting you, whoever's protecting you, yourself protecting you. Were you as apt to have that kind of faith in the unknown before you hit man menopause?
No, I think my life shakeup at 47 did it. Or 46 did it. Okay. That shook that shook my world. But what's the end result?
It shook your world. But it shook my world. But I didn't give up. I didn't quit school. I didn't say no.
the cards are not in my favor. Universe is giving me a raw deal. Okay, I'm going to have to go back in. And at some point, my spouse ex-husband wasn't paying anything. I had to go back in corporate America.
I had to give up counseling for a while cuz then I was trying to do that at night while I was working full-time. It was a lot. So, I had to make a lot of sacrifices. But my philosophy, maybe it comes from my mom, is you can do anything you want to do. Well, you're like a perfect example, but do you see this happening other places, too?
I want to ask you when midlife goes well, right? When people stop fighting it, start embracing, hey, okay, this didn't go the way I was doing it or this didn't go the way I planned and or it did and I'm done with that part now and now I'm moving on. What do you see on the other side? And like I said, you're a perfect example. You seem really excited.
You're happy. You're going to a happy place. You're just embracing and in the moment. but what do you see from other women who have kind of gotten to that point where they've they've gotten over that midlife hurdle and realized it was an it's an awesome place to be. Yeah.
They're living their authentic life. If you go on to Substack, you'd be shocked how many older women older than me that are writing books and now posting on Substack and starting businesses and yeah, like you said, you get to a certain point in life. That's why when I, you know, is it crazy to to buy a condo in Florida? Probably, but it's like you said, the years become more finite. Ellen, I have one last question for you.
If you could give, and I feel like you just answered it, but I'll just ask it anyway. If you could give women in midlife permission to stop doing just one thing and start doing one other thing, what would it be? Be to live your life the way you want to. Do what you is in your heart and soul instead of trying to please or do what society thinks we should do or live our life a certain way. yeah.
And mo most people aren't going to do crazy stuff like I do. Okay. Yeah. But you're you're a great sounding board for it because then suddenly spending 30 minutes painting on a Saturday morning really doesn't seem that extreme. Yeah.
What's 30 minutes? We just are so used to putting ourselves last. And I think again that's just inherent as a woman. Men typically don't do that. They go do their thing, you know, they Yeah.
they take care of the house and help with the house and the kids and whatever, but they're really focused on themselves. That's how their brain operates. Women, we're not in tune. That's not how our brain normally is wired. And that's why it's so unnerving when we go into pmenopause because all of a sudden, some of that unwiring goes haywire.
Like, what's going on here? I used to be happy. I've been doing this job for 30 years, but it sucks. I need to leave. I love it.
I love it. Thank you so much. I feel like you're just like you're speaking for so many women. And please keep up the Substack. Don't stop.
Keep going because it's such a great resource. I'll have everything all of your which your posts are free. Your Substack posts are free. So I'll have all that linked in the show notes. And then obviously like the program and the courses that you offer, consulting, that's different.
But I'll link to that as well so that if anybody feels like taking next steps, they can. But thanks for being an inspiration. We all appreciate it. Oh, thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure.
That's Ellen Share. And if someone in your life needs to hear this, send it to them. In the meantime, follow Roar wherever you're listening and grab the newsletter link in the show notes. Next week is our season finale with Robin Cohen, founder of the Sandy Roman Ovarian Cancer Foundation. a conversation about what women do when the worst happens.
We'll see you then.
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