Marina Rabinek on Life After the Military and the Power of Women Who Have Your Back
What happens when the mission ends—but the need for connection doesn’t?
In this episode of ROAR, host Danielle Davies talks with Marina Rabinek, a 24-year U.S. Navy veteran and founder of the Military Women’s Collective, a nonprofit helping women transition from service to sisterhood.
Marina shares her deeply personal story of identity, reinvention, and rebuilding purpose after military life. From navigating trauma and isolation to creating a thriving community of support, she opens up about what women veterans really need—and how her work is changing the landscape of advocacy and belonging.
💬 In this episode, you’ll hear
• The emotional reality of life after uniform
• The power of women supporting women in healing and reintegration
• The truth about military sexual trauma (MST) and speaking out
• Why community isn’t a luxury—it’s a lifeline
🎖️ Whether you’re a veteran, a military family member, or someone who believes in the power of women lifting each other up—this one will stay with you.
To Learn More
Military Women’s Collective:
FourBlock:
Focus Forward Fellowship at Purdue University:
Women Veterans Leadership Program at The Mission Continues:
Reorient Class at Beneath the Service:
Warrior Pathh through Boulder Crest Foundation:
Women Veteran’s Recognition Day:
Women Armed Services Integration Act:
Also Mentioned
The Body Keeps the Score:
The Halo Effect:
MrBallen Podcast:
Shawn Ryan with MrBallen:
Blast from the Past movie:
Fiscal Sponsorship:
To get in touch with or follow Marina Rabinek
Facebook:
Instagram:
LinkedIn:
Listen to ROAR with Danielle Davies: Women, Culture & Impact on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts. New conversations every Tuesday.
Full Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and lightly cleaned up. It may contain small errors.
Hey, I'm Danielle Davies and you're listening to Roar, a show that amplifies the voices of women breaking barriers, leading change, and making real impact. Keep listening for bold ideas and stories that inspire you to find your voice and make some noise. Takeback Trust is a directto patient education and empowerment platform that helps people navigate and access reproductive health care in an increasingly restrictive landscape. Through clear, actionable resources, Takeback Trust equips individuals with the knowledge and tools they need to advocate for their rights and get the care they deserve, no matter the political climate. Hi everyone and welcome back to ROAR, the podcast that amplifies the voices of women who aren't just making waves, they're building movements and creating lasting change.
Today's guest is the perfect example of that. Marina Rabinek dedicated 24 years of her life to serving in the United States Navy. But her service didn't end there. As a civilian, she's leading the charge for women's veterans through the Military Women's Collective, a nonprofit focused on support, advocacy, and community building for those transitioning out of the military. Women veterans face unique challenges that too often go unnoticed.
From career transitions to mental health struggles to ensuring they're heard in spaces still dominated by men, Marina's tackling these issues head-on. And today we're diving into her journey, the powerful work of the military women's collective and why lifting up women veterans is critical. Maria, thank you so much for being here. Thank you, Danielle. That was an amazing intro.
Like I gotta say, I'm getting this and I'm like, maybe I should just do podcast intros. Like, that's just all I do is just introduce people. You'd make you're like a serious hype woman. I think you'd make an amazing MC. Okay, that's what I should do.
That's that's it. That's my whole thing. but I'm very excited to talk about hype women. You're a hype woman. I'm excited to talk about what you've done because I mean a lot of people would think 24 years of service is enough giving.
You've done you've done enough, but you took that you would think you took that in this whole career and then became a powerhouse advocate for women. So, can you tell me like what sparked your passion for doing what the work that you do? Oh, wow. I have always had a heart for service. I don't even know where it started.
I just know that when I when I joined I mean even before even before I joined the military, a few people know this about me. I actually worked for Disney Paris. I speak Yeah, I know. I speak fluent French because my mother is French. and so yeah, I actually was in customer service if I technically.
so it really started back at the age of 18, I guess, really. and then you know after I'm making people do math, you know, and then there's of course the 24 years of military service and I won't say how many years is in between that because we're not gonna you never ask a woman in her age. No, we don't need to do that part. But yeah, I just realized while I was in and then of course after I got out that I needed to be of service to others because that is what feeds my soul. Giving back to others, helping them through transitions, helping them to achieve their purpose.
Those are the things that, like I said, that feed my soul. and that make me feel like me. They make me feel the best me that I can be. Can you, you know, and I told you this before when I emailed you, but I've done a lot of research into what it's like to transition out of the military because I'm a mom of somebody going in. And so, like all moms do, I've I've planned out like the next 30 years mentally, every struggle in the world.
And I'm like, you know, there are these resources for when you get out. My son's like, I'm not even in, so relax. But can you just touch base on some of the issues that affect veterans when they are out of service because you know I know I a lot of people So you think service and you think danger a lot of people I'll just go with me. I think service and then I think danger, right? They can be handinand especially in the military.
" However, it's not just that. It's a lot of the fact of like losing your sense of identity sometimes people. So, could you talk a little bit about the myriad struggles that people could encounter and why this is so important? So I tell I tell people when they especially active duty personnel when they are transitioning out of the military here is the main issue that I have seen. First of all coming into the military we have weeks and I mean weeks of I'm going to put quotations of indoctrination into the military.
You learn the acronyms. You learn, you know, the different things that you're going to need to know to speak, for me, I to speak Navy or to speak military. it's a lot of acronyms, I'll tell you. what I have found is the longer that someone's in the military, the more institutionalized or indoctrinated they become to that life. And what you're saying about the identity shift is huge because I'll kid you not, it took me over three years, and I still suffer from it a little bit, but it took me over three years to come away from what you were talking about with regards to like PTSD and things like that.
I have hyper vigilance. you know, some people call it attention to detail, but hypervigilance is when you're just always, you know, like seeing everything around you, like for example, the background behind you. I see everything. I don't just see like the pencil or the markers. You know, for me, hypervigilance is is looking at everything that's around you to ensure that you have what we like to call SA, situational awareness.
And It's so hard to turn yourself off when you've been in the military for a long time. It's as though you always have that underlying what's the word underlying adrenaline that's always there you know it's always there like okay what do I need to do what do I need to do because you think that there is some task or some mission that you need to be doing and that is so hard to come down off of it's like we've been living in this in this adrenalinefocused lifestyle for so long and I and I wonder sometimes gosh should everybody that gets out of the military be attested for like you know adrenal failure because we've been so long like that I it makes me wonder if gosh that's why everybody's you know so tired and we have this huge suicide problem. I mean that is one of the main reasons that I started Military Women's Collective was to combat that huge epidemic of suicide. and for me, I'm niching myself into women veterans and military women because hello, you know, I am one. and I know how extremely lonely and isolated and I mean, yes, I was depressed.
You go from having this huge tribe of people to nothing to nothing. You know, it took you five weeks or more to get indoctrinated into the military. Do you know how many days you get to get reoriented as you were saying back into civilian life? Five 5 days. That is how long what we call tap classes.
It's transition assistance program. It's it's too short. Why are we doing five weeks to come in and only five days to go out? It should be exactly the same. And not feels like when you're going in, you're entering into something that has that is so rulebased, valuebased, it's so its own organization that should you not know one or two things as well as you should, you're going to learn it because there's this community that's going to carry you along.
" You know, you're absolutely And so many people get blindered. even I did they get blindered to what they think they should do when they get out. So for my last few years of my career, the last about six or seven years, I was doing equal opportunity work. And so I thought, oh, I'm going to be, you know, I'm going to work in de andi. Obviously, that's not a good idea right now.
but I feel like I need to say the date because it's so it's February of 2025 and anything could be happening by the time this podcast comes out. This is true. So I just yeah I this is the third time I've had to do that though that I had to say the date. Go ahead. But I thought oh wow you know because I'm doing EO work equal opportunity work I should get into you know EEO on the on the on the and yes I'm going to say civilian side because if we talk when somebody comes from the military we have that distinction between the two.
I mean we could call it corporate you know industry whatever you want to say but I'll go with civilian right now. " You know, I'm what I'm doing right now is obviously in the HR realm like training and development, dei, EO, things like that. So I thought, oh, well, I'll go and check out SHM and I'll check out all these different things. And then I realized once I started getting into it, this is not my jam. This is not what I need to be doing.
I need to be giving back. I need to be making an immediate impact. And that's that's why I do what I do now. I create these events. I create connection, but I'm also giving back to the community.
Well, and it sounds like that's like your an extension of your service rather than Right. Exactly. converting, you know, to I guess the civilian job market. you've created your own area to help other people, which I think Exactly. And and of course, I mean, I did postmilitary I did work in some nonprofits and other entities that assist veterans as well.
I mean, there's there's been there's been a couple of nonprofits and things like that I have worked for that I adore. you know, one of them being fourb block, they I was I was with the regional director for the West Coast for about a year and a half and just a phenomenal resource for anyone that is getting out and wants to be introduced back into industry, you know, corporate, or just go through, but or wants to learn how to do their elevator pitch or how to craft a resume, how to you know what the first 90 days is going to look like. It's a it's a wonderful it's a wonderful resource that I used when I was transitioning out and I'm and I'm so glad I did because I went from you know being a student to being a coach to being an instructor to being you know part of the you know part of the team and it was it was a really great experience. Now, like you know, like I said, I am branching out on my own because I really just want to do as much as I can for women veterans more so than all veterans because I don't feel that there are enough resources that are specific to I'm going to say us, you know, because I'm I'm using myself as right like is that could you tell me what like what women might experience that's different and you know when you were saying like you've got that what is it that hyper awareness hyper vigilance hyper awareness so when you say that and you know I think to myself and keep in mind I have absolutely zero military experience I only have peripheral experience from other people being in the military and me listening so I have no idea what I'm talking about but it seems like a really intense you know kind of experience like, right, you're intense. And a lot of times, in our culture in the United States, like men are primed to be intense, right?
We're driven. We're we're intense men. And women are not necessarily cultivated or raised with that same intensity. Sure. Or good or bad, you know, it just doesn't.
So, it seems like it would be harder to find a place coming out of the military for a woman. And maybe it's not. I'm just wondering like is that part of why besides you being a woman is that why you are there gaps like are there other gaps that Oh, absolutely there are. so I've had the privilege of attending a couple of resources that I think all military/veteran women should attend. and I know they won't mind me talking about them because I support them all the time.
I was able to attend something called the Focus Forward Fellowship. This is at Purdue University. It always takes place in the summer when there's no students there. It is a 4-day fellowship where you learn about your strengths. You're going to get your Gallup strengths done, your disc profile done, and you learn how to you know come together as leaders.
There's mentors, so coaching mentors and actual mentors for careers as well. you know, I went the first time back in 2022. I came back in 23 as one of the coaching mentors and for the for last year and now again this year I've been asked to come out and be an instructor for LinkedIn and branding because I think both of those are super important for women veterans to know in order to be able to you know go out into the world and find that job that purpose that a you know that job that has the purpose they want to follow. the only caveat with that is that the person has to be in school either for their bachelor's or their master's degree for that program for that program. The other program which you've said the words a couple times now there is a program called the women veterans leadership program.
It originally fell underneath the nonprofit the mission continues. they decided to remove it from them because they are very much focused on community service doing community projects in you know like right now they're they're going to be going to Tampa and doing like the Tampa takeover where they're going to just do all these different amazing community service projects. They did it in San Antonio last year. and so this year, like I said, it's it's down in Florida. they decided to move their money towards that instead.
So, a different nonprofit took over the Women Veterans Leadership Program and it's called Beneath the Service or BTS. And then every time I say that I think of like the Korean group, you know, like hey, but BTS has another program called Reorient. And you said those words a couple times. And what that is, what it's about is reclaiming your identity. And that's what both WVLP and you know, reorient classes are are about is being able to find that identity again after you've been, you know, like I said earlier, indoctrinized, institutionalized.
and yet again, the longer you're in, the more you have that military hierarchy, you know, mindset. so, you know, I'm I'm I'm hopeful that women will partake in these kinds of programs because they're they're so helpful. you know, it you earlier were talking about like PTSD and you were also said something about women having specific needs. it's much more prevalent for women to have suffered from a MST, which is a military sexual trauma. And that is something that men aren't suffering as much from when they are leaving the military.
that is something that I got to bring a whole other a whole other set of baggage with you. I mean, I don't mean to say baggage, but it's a whole other concept that has that's just got to be really rough. Exactly. And that is another reason why I think a lot of women don't claim their identity, their woman veteran identity, because after you've gone through such a traumatic experience like that, you know, that is going to make you a lot of times just want to push whatever caused that as far away from you as possible. So, I remember going through the program and we had to do a call to action at the right near the end of the program and one of the people talked about her MST and it was so powerful like I can't just thinking about it makes me want to tear up because it was so powerful that by the end of the of the call to action, her whole body was shaking.
And so I followed her to the restroom and just hugged her for like 10 minutes. Oh my gosh. I think it was like an adrenaline release. but also the fact that she had shared a story that I don't think she had shared with anyone. And the fact that she felt comfortable enough to to share with all of us just it blew my mind and it showed me the power of women coming together like what we can achieve and how we can help each other heal.
you know, yet another and thinking about healing, yet another amazing program that I that brings to mind is something called Warrior Path. That's with two H's on the end. It's that's through the Boulder Crest Foundation. I recently attended one of their retreats, which is ah wow, I can't I can't even put into words. I met seven other amazing women and it's not just for military and veterans.
It's also for first responders. it is a phenomenal course that can not course training. I can't even like I don't know the ex the exact word, but I call it a retreat because hey, I went out to Texas for seven days and there it's definitely a retreat then. Yeah, exactly. But I mean it wasn't like oh I'm just going to lay in bed for seven days.
No, I mean we it was it was intense. you know there was a lot of of sharing and and storming norming and performing if you know all that all that good stuff. And I mean it was there's there's so many resources out there and that is one of the big the big things that I love to do is share resources with people. Just ask me you know I just want to say like you're such a wealth of knowledge. Is this I have two questions and I know I'm going to forget the one so I'm just gonna Well, let me just ask you.
So besides being a resource and being able to guide women towards all these my you've like named six of I've been jotting down the last few but before that you were naming some. What are other ways you help with the military women's collective? Is it's not just resources because you do you do things like what are you How are you how are you helping them? But also, this was the other question, and I don't know if they should be together, but I'm afraid I'm going to forget if I don't ask you. For these women who've had to go undergo some type of m what did you call it?
MST. So, I would just say like a traumatic experience. Yeah. Okay. MST.
So, if they But it's at it's basically generally at the hands of another service member. So you're not So it's not you haven't had a traumatic experience necessarily from whoever you're possibly fighting the enemy or another. It's you. It's within and this is somebody that's supposed to have your back. So that's a whole other and that's what's so devastating.
That is what's so devastating to and it doesn't I'm not saying that it happens to women only and because it doesn't. It really doesn't. And so I want to, you know, say that because I know it happens to men as well. it's it I'm trying to think how to how to say that because it it ruins that sense of tribe that I was talking about. I was going to say so how do they reconcile that with like that's the issue.
want to have this, you know, this pride or this history or this identity, this selfidentity, but on the other hand, you want nothing to do with it. Like where do how do you reconcile that? It takes years for some people. It really does. like it.
I know that some of these women that went through this program, it took them years to be able to apply for the program because they weren't sure that they wanted to go back into that identity that had caused them so much pain and so much suffering. And I think it's an extremely courageous and brave woman that can decide, you know, this was something that happened to me, but it doesn't define me. And that's what I saw so many times cuz there was more than just that one woman. Oh, I'm sure. you know, cuz there was 70 something plus women in this in that last cohort, you know, the one that I was a part of, cohort 7.
And by the end of you know the by the end of the program just seeing women be able to claim that identity back like it made me cry multiple times. I can't even tell you because I'm sure it's got to be so powerful to Yeah. It really was. It really was. and actually for you to be part of kind of helping women along on that journey.
I mean, that's got to be I'm sure your naval service means a lot to you as it should, but this has to mean something equally important, you know? It's Yeah, it does. It's it's it's different because I'm doing it on my own terms and I'm not like somebody isn't telling me what to do. Well, except maybe my board of directors, but you know, I'm not being told, you know, you got to wear this and you got to be here at this time and you know D. I mean, that was it.
I think that's another huge issue with people coming out of the military. You wore basically the same outfit over and over and you were told when to be somewhere and you know what you were going to be doing and all of this stuff. Currently right now you are working on raising funds for women Veterans Day retreat. Correct. So Women Veterans Day is June 12th.
It's a thing. It's a thing. It's totally a thing. So we call it Women Veterans Day. And of course everybody's like there's already a Veterans Day.
Okay. Yes. We understand that there is a Veterans Day for everyone on November 11, right? 11-11. What we what women veterans call women Veterans Day is technically women Oh gosh, what is it called?
It's there's a long name. It's like women veterans recogni Oh shoot, hold on. Women veterans recognition day. Now I got to look it up because I cannot remember. that is so bright.
June 12th. Thanks for checking it. It is because I I don't want to say it incorrectly. So, Women Veterans Day is also known as Women Veterans Recognition Day or Women Veterans Appreciation Day. Okay?
And what that is it's the anniversary of the day that President Truman signed the Women's Armed Services Integration Act. And what this said was that, and this was in 1948, what this said was that women could be a part of the military. So that is why we call it Women Veterans Day. because it's a it's a law that allowed women to finally be able to serve you know in the military and and give back in that way. And back in 2020, let's see, 2023 was the 75th Wow.
anniversary. So here 20 here in 2025, we're going to be coming up on what? 27 years. Yeah. Yeah.
That women have been serving. Did I say 27? I meant 77. 77. I said the same thing.
It's because 2025 and then we did the Yes. 77 years in 2025. So what do you envision for this retreat and why is it so And why do you think it's so crucial for women who have served? I think it's crucial because I want them to see that coming together with other women veterans is empowering. I mean, that networking and that connection of women together.
Remember I said, you know, I did that 7-day retreat. And of course, the first day you're like feeling people out and trying to figure out, you know, who are you and why are you here? and that's that's kind of what this would be like, too. I'm looking at doing most likely three days of my retreat that I want to do would be up in Big Bear here in California. And it would take place, like I said, in June.
There would be things like hiking, which, you know, MWC has a hiking program. we would do things on the lake. We would be, you know, outside and doing meditation. just all these different things that I have been wanting to give, you know, give back to other women I think would just be phenomenal. and so I've been, you know, I've been fundraising for that because I think it's needed that, you know, I'm looking at maybe 10 to 12 women, most likely 12 because June 12th, 12 women.
right. I think it's I think it's a good number. And it would be women veterans. And I just I want them to see like we're celebrating you. You know, we're celebrating Women Veterans Day and this is how you know we're gonna we're going to celebrate you and Oh, it first it sounds like an amazing like type of self care, self-healing type anyway.
But I yoga, you know, all that stuff. Yeah. But how do you see and I know you even teach some of these like you lead these. How do you see things like the hiking initiative, meditation classes, how do you see them playing a role? How so?
First of all, scientifically, we all we all hear this and people are like your mental health if you know as soon as you're like, I'm not I'm feeling very anxious. Have you tried exercise? I mean, that's like the number one thing. But what are you seeing in terms of programs like the hiking and meditation in terms of playing a role in the mental health and suicide prevention of your members? I absolutely think the you know the more that people get out there that the more that they reconnect to nature or they reconnect to like their inner selves.
I am I'm just I'm so thankful that I got to go to that retreat and I want to share some of the different strategies like coping strategies or different things that help me to not get lost in my head and lost in that spiral of negativity. Because before, you know, before I went and and really dug into myself, I'm like, I fine. I'm fine. You know, I I don't need to go to any retreat. There were things that I remembered that I had repressed like I didn't even realize were in there.
And I think that is something that everybody needs to do is just release. And can I swear? Go for it. Okay. Release the [ __ ] Okay.
Because you don't need the longer you keep it in there. I swear that I believe the I forgot his the name of the author, but I totally agree with the author of The Body Keeps Score or Body Keeps the Score. Yeah. Yeah. I know that book.
Yep. Oh my gosh. I'll link to it by the way in like our show. Okay. I totally believe that because I kid you not, when I came back from the retreat, some of the body pain that I had, I mean, I I'm live with body pain 24/7, but I noticed there was a reduction in some of it because I had been holding on to pain, holding on to that crap, that [ __ ] for years.
And once I let loose, you know, and and let it all out, it just it's very freeing. And that's the kind of thing that I want to be able to do for these women. Like, I want to be able to do, you know, a fire circle at one, you know, and be outside and just and just start letting these women release all of the things that that are in there because I and I've said this and maybe this is a maybe this is you know something I shouldn't say or maybe it's kind of a you know one of those points of contention but I feel that every single woman that has been in the military in one way or another has been harassed verbally, physically, and if they say that they haven't, then they're really, really lucky. I mean, I was lucky to never have been harassed in a physical way, but the verbal way also takes a toll on your mental health and your emotional health. And I mean, obviously, like I said, physical is is far and away so much more traumatic, but I also I think that there are women that have been holding on to, you know, holding on to things that they don't need to because, you know, their time in the military is done and there's no reason to keep that in your in your body, in your soul.
Yeah. So, I mean, these are the reasons that I that I do what I do because I want I want women to understand like they can reclaim their power. they can reclaim that tribe of other women that completely understand what they've been through. Because men don't understand the difference of of the military. Because here's the thing, and I've said this for years.
Ask my friends, they'll tell you. The military and corporate America was created for men by men. Yes. Correct. So, we're already at an advantage as a woman.
And then when you go into other, you know, intersectionalities like women of color, you know, women that are, LGBT, you know, Q plus IIA, you know, all of those intersectionalities are going to just make it even more of, and I hate to say this, more of a disadvantage, right? well, it's interesting how it, you know, I mean, when you're saying all women have experience at least some verbal or in the military, but it's interesting how it parallels civilian life. Like absolutely when the whole me too movement started gaining steam, I remember thinking, God, I'm I was really lucky. Like I don't I was never physically assaulted in this way and how lucky I was. and at the time so what was that like five years ago about maybe five or six years ago so at the time my daughter is a teenager to 16 now was younger and I remember you know so I'm thinking I'm so lucky but then I thought of all the of all the things that were simply that were not that you couldn't call assault but you could say made me so uncomfortable in my skin so eager to leave the room so wanting to run but are do you report intention?
Do you report these things? Like, no. And so, but looking back, I was like, but would I accept this for my daughter? Like, exactly. Now, you know better.
Right. Now, you know better. And that's why, and I kid you not, the those six years of me doing EO work, it wasn't just me talking about, you know, de andi. was me talking about harassment and assault and things like that because I wanted I wanted people to know, you know, when I was doing these trainings there might be like a hundred people in the room and I would say to them dead ass serious too, you know, this is your your tribe. This is your family, but someone in here is a oh gosh, I just forgot the word.
someone in here is a predator. Someone in this room is a predator and you won't know who it is. And you know, not until that horrible, you know, that horrible thing happens. and I would I would try to and I'm obviously not making light of sexual assault and rape and any of that, but I would go through scenarios to try to enlighten them as to what could happen in a foreign port. And I tried to make it kind of amusing so it would stick in their brain.
Right. Like a storytelling. Yes. Exactly. So I would I would look around the room and I would pick I'd pick, you know, one of the younger you the younger gentlemen and somebody that looked kind of shy, maybe looked more introverted, you know, something like that.
And I would say, "Okay, everyone, I am play acting. I am roleplaying right now. So, please do not think this is me. " Right. Right.
And this is the exact thing the opposite way like when a man does this to a woman this is how we feel too. And obviously if someone is a different rank structure than you then you feel like you can't say anything right of course you know you feel like you can't say anything. And there are I mean I have a an origin story to Military Women's Collective that one of the things that led to me feeling so like isolated a lot of times when I was active duty I was an instructor in San Diego at one of the school houses and I went on board at what we call a rider. cuz you're riding the ship. and I was there just as a guest and I'm up in the gym and this person starts talking to me and I'm just thinking to myself, bro, I just want to work out and I just want to, you know, go lay down because yes, I was in for 24 years, but I have inner ear issues.
So I am always nauseous, okay, unless I take the Dramamine, right? And so, you know, I'm doing my I'm doing my workout and I, go to leave and he starts talking to me. I'm just thinking to myself, who is this dude? Right? And lo and behold, I go I go down to the birthing, which is like the sleeping area that we're all in.
This story always gets me. Sorry. I feel bad. No, no, no, no, no, no. I I don't feel bad because I like sharing it because I it makes others understand.
" And what a ch is ch h e n g. What a chain is the chief engineer. So ch from chief and engineer, right? this person is a naval officer and this person was married. this person's wife had just given birth like a few months beforehand.
and so, when I was talking to these girls, one of the girls said, "Oh, yeah, he does that stuff all the time. " And, and she is, you know, even lower ranking than I am. She's a junior sailor. " So, I take the two of us and I go to this person called the command master chief. The command master chief is the highest enlisted person on the ship.
We called him the CMC. And so I went to go speak with her and told her, you know, what had happened and all these different things. and then I think nothing of it after that. I'm like, you know, I'm a guest on the ship and I'm really mind blown that this dude would think that this was okay. And so then I get called up to the captain's at sea cabin, which is up by the bridge of the ship, like where you can see the ocean and everything.
" executive officer, which is like what would that be? The executive officer is like the second in command, maybe like the COO. Okay. Then you've got the commanding officer who I guess would be the CEO, right? And then you've got, like I said, the highest ranking enlisted person.
So I don't I'm just trying to think of translations for anybody that's not military. anyway, I walk in and then there's those three sitting and then my chair all by itself. And I look and I think this is not going to go well. And the three that are sitting is what? One is a woman.
One is a woman. Yes. Okay. Okay. Yeah.
Yep. And then the other two are the EXO and the CR are both men. and so I sit down and they immediately begin to berate me and say, you know, this is impossible. You know, he would never do such a thing. This is the not the kind of man he is.
something that I call the halo effect, which is, if you look that up, The halo effect is basically when you go off of how somebody presents themselves. 0 GPA and blah blah, right? You know, just that kind of redonulousness, right? and so, you know, they proceed to berate me, berate me, and then we finally get to Hawaii because we went from California to Hawaii, and I get off the ship because this guy was like, "Oh, well, I'll take care of you. " Wait, so it keeps happening while you're on the ship.
Nothing. Oh, yeah. keeps like and so he was emailing from his personal account to my ship account that they had given me. And so I get off the ship, I find out that I got promoted. So I'm super excited.
We get back, you know, I fly back to California. a few months later I get contacted by what we call the realo, which is the regional legal services office. And the realo says, you know, we need you to come in to depose you. And I'm thinking, oh my god, what did I do? Like I must have done something wrong.
Like what did I do? And like they were like, no, no, this isn't about you. We need you to be a witness. And I was like said what? Like what are you talking about?
They had me come in and so I went in and they said, you know, we would like you to testify against this person and it ended up being and I don't like calling him this gentleman because he was an officer but he was not a gentleman. I luckily because I just knew intuition wise, I kept all the emails that he sent to me in my I had sent them from he sent them from his personal address to my ship address. I forwarded them all to my personal email. So you'd have a record of So I'd have this record. And to top it all off, this always gets me every time I say it.
His email address. His email address. I don't even want to add the word pance. Okay. Pause in French translates to power.
P U I S A N C E piss. That word directly translates to the word power. I mean, could you be any more obvious about what it is that you crave in your life there, bro? Like, no. Did anything happen, by the way, when you Oh, yeah.
He got he got kicked out. Yeah, because here's the thing. The reason that they the reason that they had him up for court marshal was because he had been found in the dispersing office. So on the ship, the dispersing office is where we have we keep the money and there's a big a big vault and stuff in there and only certain people are on the list of people that are able to go in this room. Well, he was in this place doing the horizontal mambbo.
Oh. With the female dispersing officer and they were caught. And so he was brought up on charges and the reason they brought me in as the witness was to show a pattern of what's the word? Like a pattern of character, you know, like a character witness or a pattern of behavior. There we go.
That's what I'm trying to say. Wow. Wow. So that is and you said that's like your origin story. So you basically like your own experience, this particular experience, it all kind of fed into this one concept to do this to give back to women and to and to have them reconnect again because when you go through something like I said, mine is not as traumatic as as other women, you know, I did not have an MST.
I I was extremely lucky in that way. But it's nothing you'd want for another woman. Like, it's nothing you'd want for somebody else to have to go through. And I think it doesn't I want them to know that they have people that they can come to and just vent and let it you know get it out because it's it's I mean that kind of any kind of traumatic experience is just can turn into a cancer in your in your body and your soul you know it and I don't want that for other women you know I want them to know that they have that ability to be a part of this collective of active duty women of military women. You know, it it's I don't know.
It just brings me kind of a lightness to my being when I know that I have helped another woman to reconnect with other women veteran because there's not a lot of us. We are a small percentage of an already small percentage. I think it's like what less than 5% of the of the US has served in the military, right? And then you're talking about the women. It's like Right.
And then on top of that, you know, that makes it an even smaller percentage of that small percentage, right? So, but we are the fastest growing demographic though because you know women want to want men to realize that we can do everything you can you know just because sometimes we bleed and and get you know upset about cramps and who cares like we can still do the job. I don't know. Well, that's now I'm gonna have to ask you. So, so with that said, you know, and I think obviously so this whole podcast that I have is to kind of highlight women who are doing work on behalf of other women, right?
And the idea that like sometimes people say you want to do something to fix it. So, run for office or run for school board. But there's a million ways to help. And that's kind of what I'm that's that's what I'm interested in talking about. So, right.
but for the military in particular, I mean, women are anytime women, like, you know, we've got the date here. What was it? What' you say? It's 1948. Women were basically allowed in the military.
So, this is not really all that long ago. So, you're already and with a small population, you're already up against a more intense brotherhood, right? there's like a more intense sense of patriarchy in the military, right? Absolutely. Right.
It's that's just the way that it's it's organized. It was created. That was the way it started. Yeah. Right.
So, so we've come so far and now very suddenly, very recently, we've had some comments and so our current Secretary of Defense, right, that is his job, Pete Haggath, he commented and has been very voseiferous before that women shouldn't serve in combat. How do you think that affects both what you're doing and past and present service women? How does rhetoric like that impact morale and progress for women in the military or women period? You know, it's so interesting that he feels that he feels this way because, you know, there's this huge push to dismantle DEI, but then we talk about, you know, this meritocracy. and if a woman can get through Ranger school or can become an aerosol person or can make it through SEAL teams and do it at the same level as a man, then why shouldn't she be able to take that position on that team?
I if you really want to talk about meritocracy as being that thing, then let everybody show that they have the ability and the merit to do the job. If you're singling out 50% of the people, oh yes, I'm sure it has affected morale in a in a huge way because now it's it's it's as it's as though we're saying women can't do it just because we have, you know, different body parts. Like why? I've never understood that. If someone has you're like yes uterus you know if someone has I think it's it is so hard to put into words you know I was going to say because it is struggling to put it into words because I think it is a protection thing men feel like they have to be the protector the provider you know the one the bread you know the bread winner All of these things, it's been ingrained into them from the day they were born.
You are the one. You're the family man. You have to be the family man, the macho, you know, the the tough and all of this. And why it's bizarre because it's like it's in many ways he wants to it's like people who say this want to protect that concept but like we are like you said only 5% of the population even serves. It's like you would we'd be like an open umbrella like hello we will find a place for you.
You want to you want to serve your country let us help you find your best fit. you know, it doesn't it does baffle the mind. I just was curious if you're hearing it from your network like of women if they're you know, I mean, the thing is you if you're if you're feeling suicidal, you're already not at your best. Exactly. Right.
You're already you So, like I feel like it's kicking people when they're down in terms of women who are maybe just getting out and already dealing with that self that identity kind of issue. " Well, and I'm sure that the honestly, you know, how I was talking about we've got those predator people that are in the military. I think those same people are the ones that wholeheartedly agree with what he is saying because they joined you know feeling like women were secondass citizens already and now it has been you know declared yeah exactly and I and I don't understand how you know we could say we're going to dismantle de andi But literally the military is the like the epitome of de and I. It's it's people from every socioeconomic background, every you know race, color, creed, whatever. I mean all of those obviously are social constructs, but I mean and then now saying that trans people, you know, shouldn't be serving.
Why? just because they decided to become more themselves. The way I explain trans to people when I was active duty even was like imagine you are wearing a wet suit and that you can't take it off and then all of a sudden you realize that you can do surgery that you can do surgery to change things. That is how I explain somebody being, you know, either going from male to female or female to male transition because whatever is on the outside isn't matching what they see on the inside. And that whole body of dysmorphy, the body dysmorphia, trying to say that five times fast.
is what is so wounding and so traumatic to them. Like my body doesn't match what I see here. Can you imagine? and also the fact that like these kind of pronouncements are being made based on what your body looks like, right? So, it's the color of your body, the shape of your body, the Yeah.
All of that. So, yep. Yeah. So, that there's a lot in that one. Well, let me ask you one more thing.
I have two more questions for you, then I'm not I'm not going to keep you any longer. Although, I honestly think I could just talk to you for hours and hours. I'm going to have to make a trip out there. the lookout. So, so you know when we're talking about all these things and also I just want to say that I know I know you I think I feel like you said something about this but just my experience to the people that I have met that are in the military which has been extensive for my previous you know me now versus five years ago I've I've met a million people in the military and I must say 99% of them I feel like are great people.
" Like, no. And I am so not against the military. I mean, I think it is a phenomenal, it's a phenomenal place to be. It's, you know, it instills discipline. it, you know, it teaches you how strong you are, but it is also a place that can be dangerous.
it's about knowing how to have that awareness about yourself. But the thing is a lot of people that join because they're joining out of high school or at a younger age, they might not have that awareness. I mean I went into the military at 23. Okay. No awareness about anything at that age.
Yeah. And luckily I had been working for five years already in Europe, you know, and back here in the States. So I had some awareness of myself. But when you have people that are literally coming out of high school and going straight into the military, they don't have that self-awareness yet. They don't have that ability to a lot of times to stand up for themselves and you know, the things that they believe and yeah, it's it's tough.
it. But it can also be one of the most rewarding things that you have ever done in your life. I mean, I got to go to countries that I mean, come on. I got to go to Chile and Peru and oh my gosh, Saipan, Thailand, Singapore. Oh my gosh, Hong Kong.
I mean, give me a country and I'm probably have been there. yeah, it's Yeah, there's so many. And I just wanted to throw that out there because I knew I know you feel positively about it because of the work you do. And I did, you know, I didn't want to just lean on the negative. 100%.
I'm not like trying to, you know, yeah, I'm not trying to say no, don't ever don't join the military because No, I would never say that because it has given me it has given me so much. It really has. I mean, I met, you know, lifelong friends. I've, like I said, got to visit all kinds of places. I mean, it just But it's even fueled this chapter of your life.
Like you're 100% not the same thing. It's fueled it. Well, what Well, with that said, what are some of the things are there any kinds of systemic changes you would like to see or you wish occurred to make the transition out easier for service women? You mentioned like the five week indoctrination in, five days out. What's another What would you Is that the main thing that you'd like to see?
That is really the main thing there should be. I mean, the five days of classes that we do, yes, we're getting resources and things like that. you know, we're going over, but I think doing the reorientation part of it is so much more important. Having people stop speaking in acronyms is a huge one, you know, like I started back in because I retired in 21. I started speaking in nonacronyms back in like 2019 cuz I wanted to stop, you know, like doing that stuff because people don't understand the military acronyms.
Obviously, if you go into corporate and they've got their own acronyms, it's going to be completely different. You know, like what does this mean? What does this mean? You're going to learn all new ones from the ones that you know that you had to learn for the military. I think taking, you know, the five or six weeks to reorient people back into speaking like non-military people.
You know, taking that time to let people, you know, just learn how to what is an elevator pitch? You know, what is a what is a good resume? What kind of resume should I be doing? Should I be doing a chronological? Should I be doing a functional?
You know, should I be applying for federal work? You know, should I be doing this? Should I? It's all these these questions that are not being answered right now. You know, I listen Tell me if this how accurate this is from your experience.
I listen to So, my son loves Mr. Ballin. Well, he used to years ago. I mean, I don't think he has time to listen to the Mr. Ballin podcast anymore.
Do you know like scary stories? It's John B. Allen was a Navy Seal and he anyway now he's a podcaster of scary stories. It has nothing to do with the military, but for he was interviewed by John Ryan who there's a anyway there's a there's a podcast. It's a military podcast that John Ryan.
John Shawn Ryan. That's it. He was interviewed by Sean Ryan and it's a long podcast, much longer than this one. And anyway, he fell asleep and I listened to it because I thought it was fascinating. But he was talking about coming out of it and now here's somebody who's got like a new like a successful career now.
Yeah. " So, and he and he's very open about what the experience that transition was like for him and how difficult it was. " He's like, "We had our we have our own email systems like Yeah. And so even that like just functioning with it almost makes you think of those movies. What's that movie a million years ago where Brendan Frasier's parents, it's like a it's like a comedy, but they like they thought there was going to be like a you know, the world was falling apart.
They were locked in a bunker and then they snowman in No, it's a different one. but he comes out and he's like all innocent like oh you know this is an elevator. you know, he has no concept of like what's happening in the real world. And it's funny and it's jokey, but it almost was like that like to not know Google, you know, seems so huge at the time. But it's even those kinds of things, right?
It's like as per as common as something might be in like the civilian world, it could be completely foreign. Oh, yeah. And I tell people a lot of times that when you're coming out of the military, a lot of time and I know I said this earlier that people get blindered. They think they can only do the work that they were doing in the military when they get out. But here's the thing, we are such multitaskers in the military that how do you choose which of the tasks that you were doing?
That's the thing. Yeah. How do you how do you go up against somebody who started maybe at 18 or 21 cuz they, you know, went to college. they started at 21 in a corporate structure. And so now, you know, after 5 years, you know, they're they're 26.
They've had five years of exactly the experience they need to move up to the next level or however many years, right? Whereas the person in the military, they've had five years of experience, but it isn't exactly at that position. It's five years of experience doing suicide prevention and it's five years of experience doing aircraft maintenance. It's five years of experience because you don't just do what your job title is. Especially for the Navy, we go by job titles whereas the other services go by the rank.
Okay? And then you get a code that is your job. the Navy is that it the MOS. Yes. So MOS AFSC for the Air Force.
That's okay. Okay. The Air Force that's like a job code. Same, you know, that's that's what those all of those are. Okay.
in the Navy. Whereas, you know, for example, you know, you're a hospital corman, which is like a medic for the for the Navy, or you're a you know, gosh, I'm trying to think of something, a main propulsion assistant or whatever it is. is I mean well that's officers that's different but you know we don't just do that job you know like for me I was a sonar technician but remember I told you at the last six years of my life I was doing EO I was still a sonar technician but because that's my rate but the code that I was using that NEC Navy enlisted wait maybe enlistment code maybe I can't remember what it means anymore I love that I don't remember the acronym that any that NEC you know the one that the main one that I was using was the one for what we call the command climate specialist which was the e the EEO or the EO of the of the command which is the unit or the you know the department or the company Really? Gotcha. Gotcha.
Yeah. So, man, there's so much in there. Well, okay. The last thing that I can ask you because Okay. And I'll take your whole day.
We're going to have to do a part two because I feel like I have a whole bunch more questions for you. But for you are an incredible example of somebody who's used their lived experience to drive change. A lot of people I've noticed in life will feel that they don't, you know, they've had something happen or they've lived through something or they, you know, they've just had their experience and maybe they want to make a change about it when maybe they want to contribute but they don't know where to start and then so they a lot of, you know, a lot of people throw up their hands. What am I going to do? And so you don't do anything.
And you're not one of those people. So what advice would you give to other women whether they're veterans or not who want to create an impact but don't know where to start? Wow. you do not have to start a nonprofit if you don't want to. if you do decide that you want to take action that is in a nonprofit alley or way, there is something called fiscal sponsorship.
What fiscal sponsorship? She's like, I'm writing this down because I'm about to do this. so what fiscal sponsorship is instead of you going to the IRS and you know putting forth why you think you should be a nonprofit, you fall underneath a nonprofit and use their nonprofit status to do your work. That means if the overarching nonprofit gets a grant, they can grant you some money from that grant to assist you with whatever program. So, for example, let's say I'm the one that wants to fiscally sponsor you.
You want to create you know, a program teaching women veterans how to create a podcast. I would grant you the money that I that I am getting from the government or wherever or it could just be, you know, what I have on hand, right? I could grant you the money to go ahead and create this program and it would fall under Military Women's Collective, but it would be your program. Okay, got it. That is some very tangible advice.
Thank you. It's it's a phenomenal thing that I wish I had known. Before I started my own, but I kind of was like, dang it. But I tell everybody else about it now because I think it's a really important thing to look into, you know, before you go down that road of of nonprofitness, right? Then it definitely lowers like that barrier to entry.
You're correct. Things a little bit. Yeah. So, but and I think also for women, we just have to learn to live in our power and know I mean I I'm not the most confident person in the world. I'm really not.
But I think I'm funny as hell. and I have my knowledge base that I know a lot about. So, I it's the stuff that I want to share. So, if there's something that you feel that you know a lot about, then just start doing that. Start sharing it with others.
You can do it on I mean, how many different social media platforms are there now, right? Like 11 billion and just seriously start recording videos. Put them on Instagram, put them on LinkedIn, Facebook, whatever. Or I just I think that there is so much to be I don't know. I'm I'm not even sure why I said Facebook and Instagram because anyway, we'll go.
But Oh, I just think you're fabulous. I'm totally gonna email you later. no, but you're right. You're right. And I love I love I love hearing that from people who are doing something awesome.
I can't thank you enough for taking the time to talk to me today. Like this was such a pleasure. Thank you so much. My pleasure. Thank you so much.
If you want to do part two, hit me up again. I will. I will. Thank you, Reena. Bye.
All right. Bye. Thanks for listening to Roar. If Marina's story moved you, if it reminded you of the strength it takes to serve, to transition, and to show up for others, you're not alone. Women veterans deserve more than gratitude.
They deserve support, visibility, and community. Marina's help making that happen. If this episode resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. com and join the newsletter.
It's where the real conversation continues. Next week, I'm talking with Sheni Joe Darden, the founder of Keep a Breast, a global nonprofit using art and education to change how we think about breast health. She's been doing this work for 25 years, and trust me, you'll want to hear what she has to say. See you then.
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