Renee Niemann on Raising Resisters, Telling the Truth, and Motherhood in a Fraught World
We often talk about parenting like it should exist in a bubble—lunchboxes, bedtime routines, school calendars.
But as Renee Niemann makes clear, parenting doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
Parenting is a political act.
In this episode of Roar, host Danielle Davies sits down with writer and creator Renee Niemann, known for Fake Adult Mom and her new project, Resist Like a Mother. Renee explains the moment motherhood and resistance collided for her—when she realized she could no longer “go about life as normal” while raising kids through rising political extremism, cruelty, and instability.
As she shares early in the episode:
“When I say parenting is a political act…there is no way that I can go about life as normal. Business as usual stops. But I still have to parent.”
Renee speaks candidly about explaining authoritarianism to her kids, teaching age-appropriate truth, and raising children who refuse to shrink. She recounts the moment her daughter was told she “didn’t belong” at an academic event—and how, instead of staying small, she self-advocated so effectively that the boy who dismissed her ended up issuing a written apology.
Together, Danielle and Renee discuss:
💥 Why “business as usual” is impossible while parenting in today’s world
💬 How Renee introduces big topics like injustice, inequality, and authoritarianism to her kids in age-appropriate ways
🔥 Why she believes mothers are raising the next generation of “little resistors”
👶 The emotional load of explaining a chaotic world while still figuring out dinner
⚖️ How she makes decisions about safety, boundaries, and who her kids spend time with—including her controversial but deeply principled rule:
“My kids don’t go to Trump supporters’ houses… It’s not punitive. I just don’t respect their judgment.”
❤️ What it means to raise children who don’t shrink themselves, even when it’s uncomfortable
Renee’s story is a reminder that motherhood isn’t passive.
It shapes culture, community, and the future.
And for many women, telling the truth—even when it’s frightening—is its own form of resistance.
🔑 Key Takeaways
“Parenting is a political act.” Raising children with conscience, courage, and clarity shapes the world they will inherit.
Kids see everything. They watch how we respond to injustice, fear, and uncertainty — and they learn from it.
Mothers are often the first to notice what’s broken—and the ones most motivated to fix it.
Telling the truth is not harmful; dishonesty is. Even when the truth is scary, Renee believes kids deserve honesty “with reasons why.”
Resistance doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes it's simply refusing to shrink.
Listen to ROAR with Danielle Davies: Women, Culture & Impact on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts. New conversations every Tuesday.
Full Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and lightly cleaned up. It may contain small errors.
Hi, I'm Danielle Davies and you're listening to Roar, a show that amplifies the voices of women breaking barriers, leading change, and making real impact. Keep listening for bold ideas and stories that inspire you to find your voice and make some noise. Being a mom right now feels like living in two different worlds. We're raising our kids to be kind, fair, and decent while watching the highest levels of society reward cruelty and power without consequence. And somehow we're supposed to keep it together, pack the lunches, and stay polite.
My guest today, Renee Niemann, knows that contradiction better than anyone. You might remember from her hilarious Instagram account, Fake Adult Mom, but she's making waves now for her new Substack and Instagram communities, both called Resist Like a Mother. Because as Renee shows us, being a parent isn't just personal, it's political. Welcome, Renee. Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you having me on. Oh my gosh, I'm thrilled. And I and I really what you're doing and what you're saying is really resonating. and so I'm [clears throat] going to just jump right in.
Please just say that louder for my children if you could. Just louder just so they can. It is really resonating and you're doing a great job by kind of setting this example for your kids because and what you say and you say this, you know, on your Substack, you've said this in different places, parenting is a political act. Can you tell us about what made that click for you? Like when you realized raising kids and resisting injustice were going to have to be part of the same job?
Yeah, absolutely. You know, I think when I had my first child way back in 2010, which feels like the stone age, you know, I have a I have a teen, a tween, and a toddler. So, I run the gambit of parenting right now, and the toddler supplies and baby supplies much different from what they were in 2010. So, I refer to Zoe as my stone age baby cuz I'm pretty sure her equipment would not be street legal now. But, when I had her in 2010, I envisioned that the scope of political involvement that this child would see from me would be occasionally taking her to go vote with us, if only to get a sticker for her.
complaining on random election nights when SNL was preempted because there's some random election that we're following. But that was really going to be the end of it. I never imagined that I would have to explain authoritarianism to a 15year-old, to a 12year-old, and in some ways to a four-year-old. everything has to be age appropriate and I try to meet them where they're at. But when I say parenting is a political act, there is no way that I can go about life as normal.
business as usual stops, but I still have to parent. And I'm still having to decide what's for dinner while also talking to my children about why we're bringing dinners to mutual aid pantries, why we're stocking community fridges because SNAP benefits are being cut. we can't have these conversations without there being that political underscore. And when they're watching what I'm doing and what I'm saying, I need to be honest and tell them the reasons why. And some of those reasons are scary to them.
Some of them are infuriating, especially for my two girls, the teen and tween. the toddler, he's he's not really there so much. he's he's more of like, "Oh, good. " Okay, good, good, good. Give that to me.
That's the length of his involvement. But the girls, you know, I think when Roie Wade was overturned, I had a hard time processing that myself and you know, I'm in my mid4s and I didn't expect them to have a concept of what that meant. And I tried to make it palatable to explain it on their level. And all I could really get out of my mouth was you don't have the same things that I had at your age. And you know when those words came out cuz they wanted to know why I was sad, why I was crying, why was daddy kind of irked but mommy was crying.
And you know when I when that sentence came out of my mouth, I'm sad because you don't have the same things I had now because it is so personal. It's right. It absolutely is. And this past election season, you know, my daughters are very aware now at 15 and 12 of the goings on. You know, I like to think that unfortunately their reading comprehension and context clues are sadly but also yay better than most of the population because Brainworm was a deal breakaker for them.
on RF Jr. They were like, "Wait, he had a brain worm. Wait, he dumped a bear cub in the park. He drove with a shark on his car. " they're aware now.
I can't shield them from this. And frankly, I don't want them to I don't want them to be in the dark. I want them awake. I want them to know what's going on. I want them to know why, hey, when we see somebody pulled over on the side of the road and we don't recognize those cars and there are men talking to a woman, you're going to get in, lock the doors, start recording, and mommy's going to get out.
And they know. But you're, you know, you're not just bringing it to them, you're bringing it to everybody. So, just for anybody who doesn't know you, I'm going to just explain and tell me if I'm wrong. You had this following. Fake adult mom was memes.
It was funny parenting stuff since 2017, but it was huge. It wasn't like It wasn't like little. It was an enormous amount of followers, right? I mean, it was Yeah, it was nice. big.
I'd like to say that as long as like a few people who weren't related to me liked it. I felt big. It was big. It was big. And it is big.
But you made the decision at some point totally switch gears and now it's not really funny right now. No, I mean you're not funny in the absurdity of it all. I'm sure. " because now I'm like, you know, they're taking toddlers out of cars, [gasps] you know, and I'm just like, "Oh, I can't believe I was worried about Doge, you know, like how cute. " Yeah.
What was the turning point though for you to make that? So you didn't just switch like you don't just have another account. You literally deleted all your other stuff. You know, I couldn't in good conscience joke about, oh, my kids won't go to sleep on time. Oh, my kids can't find their shoes.
My children constantly ask me for money. I am such a tired person because I have children. Those memes. I couldn't in good conscience leave that up because that was almost like pretending we were still in that world and we're just not. Like I said, I can't go back to business as usual.
I don't have that little life where I can complain about my kids not going to sleep. I mean, I will still complain 1,000%. I will do that. Yes. But I'm also going to be really grateful.
A, my kids are with me. B, we've got a safe place to sleep. C, I don't have to worry about the things that a lot of people are worrying about because I'm privileged to have the skin color that I do. And God, I hate that I'm grateful for that. Yeah.
But I hate that we're also the type of country where I have to be grateful. I hate having to explain that to my children. [snorts] I hate having to explain to them that we are in this bubble that we are fortunate to be in. But we can't we can't appreciate what we have without also acknowledging the people that don't and trying to balance what we have with what we give. [snorts] and you know fake adult mom and resist like a mother.
They're born of the same cloth but one is out of a desire to I figure look if I'm thinking this stuff chances are there's another mom that is going to be thinking this. How do I how do I decide what's for dinner and also tell my child that there is a predator in the White House? How do I run a Costco and then explain to my child that the National Guard is being called into our city? [snorts] if I'm thinking it, maybe another mom is thinking it and she doesn't know how to how to make it click for her kids. And I've always said, I don't post for everybody.
I don't really post for anybody. I post for me. And I hope that what I post reaches someone likeminded, who's going to pass it on to somebody else who's like-minded and we build 100%. I think that's that's, you know, when I saw your posts, I it resonated. I mean, that's why I reached out.
It's just you're speaking in a way that I think so many moms find relatable. And we're all worried about our kids and we all, you know, we're all worried about all the things. Getting them to bed on time, do they eat their vegetables, who wants to deal with bath night? Like there are all those very practical right now moments, but there's also the issue of like the world at large. And you know, as you're talking, I can like see that you're getting upset.
And of course you are because it's upsetting. not upset. It's more of just it's it's somber. It's sadness. There's so much that I've had to explain to my children that I it's innocence that's taken from them that I will never be able to give back to them.
And look, I'm not even going to pretend that we are on the scale of other people. But like I tell my kids, everyone's hard is hard. My kids are not the children in Gaza. They are not the children who were taken hostage. They are not the children in Sudan or the Congo, but they are still children.
And their heart is hard. [snorts] and children in America right now who are watching this stuff on TV happen in their country, not some far away place that maybe due to our educational system they can't pick out on the globe. it's here. Well, but you all you talk about like grief for the country you love when you so you wrote a bunch of posts that are going to potentially be a book called the handbook of the recently the handbook for the recently resisting and you said it's grief for the country. Absolutely.
It's it is it is 1,000% grief for the country that I love. And maybe that's naive of my very non-melanin skinned self. because the country that I loved, you know, I grew up saying with liberty and justice for all and I saw that we meant that and not, you know, I keep saying the same thing, too. It's not that it was it's not that I was living in some kind of disillusionment that like America was great for everybody and we're all just like living in like happy Lego Valley, you know, just there wasn't that. But there was the there was the belief in this ideal and that we had a there was a promise.
There was a belief that it should be. Yes. Yes. And now that is shattered in many ways, you know, that's and it's and now I am living under like it's almost like a disillusionment because I'm like I am complete now there's so much fear and it and it kind of permeates every aspect of your life. So how could you not when kids take up so much of your life?
They're they're part of everything, right? They don't just go in their bedrooms. You don't put them in the shelf at 5:00, well I'm done for the day. So, how would it not? I could lift them and get them onto the shelf.
Yes. [clears throat] but yeah, no, it doesn't. my job is to raise these beautiful humans into good, decent people that will one day leave my home. not too soon, but one day they will start their own lives outside of this home. And I would be remissed if like what am I sending them out into doesn't concern me on the daily.
And also I want to make sure that what I'm sending out is incredible. And I'm not going to be able to do that if I'm not honest with them about what I'm leaving them and leading them to. unfortunately the way the country is going right now, I don't really have a lot of hope for what is being left to them. " Make sure they say, "I don't I don't get why that's funny. Why is that funny?
Can you explain it to me when they hear a joke that's I'm gonna just say distasteful. you know, my girls go to an all girls school and that's important for us. my girls have been going there since 2012. my oldest when she was two, my youngest when she was 18 months. We started going to nursery school there [snorts] and they love it.
But the reason why we picked an all girls education besides that girls tend to thrive was because of the mass shootings that were going on. And this was before Sandy Hook, but I was looking at statistics and seeing that the majority of mass shooters were Y chromosome, if you will. And I wanted to protect my babies. So they don't encounter a lot of distasteful jokes, if you will. Okay.
But when there have been kind of interchool events, my oldest daughter about two years ago at an academic games tournament, which is the whitest and nerdiest sentence I have uttered in a while, had a male student from another school tell her she didn't belong there. And a girl. Yeah, because she was a girl. And you know she promptly finished and then went up to the director. I mean it was even like mom I've got this and was like see that kid you need to tell that kid to change the way he thinks or I'm going to tell my school that we can't play here and we have his written apology framed in her room.
you know Absolutely epic of her. Well, I mean, you know, she was 13, so I think it's it does take a hefty set of ovaries at 13 to do that on your own. But that's what I mean about raising like these little resistors because she could have sat in that discomfort and she could have made herself smaller, [snorts] but she didn't. She made herself bigger. She took up the space that she wanted.
She took up the space that she needed. And she made sure that guy knew how much space she wanted to take up. Well, not only that, like not only are you re like raising, like you said, little resistors, right? So, you're teaching them how to act in response to what we're seeing from absolutely adults in charge, but some people like, you know, what do you think today's kids are learning from the adults in charge? Some you're seeing a lot more racism.
You're seeing a lot more bullying. Bullying's gone up like skyhigh. I mean, you see just the way people speak to one another in anywhere, the grocery store, anywhere. How do we counter that as parents besides saying resist? Like cuz some people are saying it's okay, you can be a bully.
Like all our lessons about be nice, treat people the way you want to be treated. It's like it's a joke. who I let my girls look in on my DMs with me and [snorts] my DMs are a delight. Oh, Danielle, they are a delight. Let me tell you, they are a fun mix of Here's the promo code.
We'd love for you to collab on a jewelry line that you have to pay for somehow. genitalia and a mix of threats. And I find that some of the threats come from teenage boys. " One time, this kid facetimed me and his mom gave me permission to talk to him. but I tell the girls, you know, you have to talk to people.
You can walk away if you feel uncomfortable, but you walk away with a big presence. You don't walk away smaller. But if you can ask them with a straight face, why do you think it's okay to say that to me? Let them respond. Let them answer their own question.
Let them describe why they feel emboldened to threaten you. " Well, you think you should be giving away all of our tax dollars to illegal immigrants. And I'm like, "Who are the illegal immigrants? where are tax dollars going? And then they'll ask me questions.
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Like for example, the one FaceTime the one that FaceTimed you. What? " And he called me some other choice words. " I was really upset about all the stuff you were saying about Donald Trump. I was like, "Well, Donald Trump is a adult.
Donald Trump is in his late 70s. You don't think Donald Trump can handle himself? Do you think you need to stand up for Donald Trump? You need to defend Donald Trump. If Donald Trump is so great, why are you out there defending him?
Don't you have other stuff to do? And what was the outcome of this? the mom thanked me. the kid and I, we occasionally stay in contact. occasionally.
you know, he said he liked my Miss Rachel costume for Halloween. So, it's it's weird. It's But, you know, it's crazy because the very first podcast I ever episode I ever did was with Nikki [ __ ] Have you heard of Nikki [ __ ] Okay. I love Nikki. And one of the thing and I was just rehashing some of quotes to put on social media last night.
I just saw it and she was like, "These hard conversations have to be had because even if you're not changing someone's mind, the fact" and of course I'm paraphrasing, but the fact is you're you're showing humanity, you know, like you're you're human and you're not behind a screen and right this isn't how we talk to people in real life or it wasn't how we talk to people in real life. " Right. No. And look, I don't expect him to. In fact, you know, I was at the Meow Tucket protest when JD Vance went up to Nantucket.
Okay. It was my birthday and I've got family in Massachusetts and I'm good friends with Cats on a Couch and so we decided to meet up in Nucket and there were these group of teenage boys that were kind of like just harassing the protesters and my family's personal nickname and I cannot believe I am admitting this publicly. So Manny and Uncle Jay, enjoy your moment. my family nickname growing up was Renag. because I could talk all day long and I could get what I wanted by just nagging them to death.
Okay, I like it. I like it. I put on my reag and mom hat and went up to these boys and just nagged them until they left. I asked them about their college plans, what AP courses they were taking. " I was like, "Look, I'm a mom.
I wouldn't want my 17-year-old who's applying to colleges to be on the news right now for reason. There's this whole world of kids that doesn't realize like how this carries over. But then, but the flip side is then we have again a president who he's been caught in every which way and we've still elevated him to the highest. So, they're probably like, who cares? Well, here's the thing about that, too.
And saying it out loud you know we've always had very specific rules for our girls and our son when he gets ready you know to go on playdates without us and for sleepovers and friend gatherings and you know with this election my friends don't go to Trump supporters houses and that's not because I'm trying to be mean and it's not because I'm trying to be punitive to your kids. Your kids. Okay. Sorry. For a second.
All right. Go ahead. The kids obviously can't vote. But if the parents, if I know that they're Republicans, if I know that they're Trump supporters, my kids don't go over there. [snorts] And like I said, that's not to be punitive towards the child.
It's not to be punitive towards my child. It's just I don't respect their judgment. And if I can't trust them to make the same decision I had to make last November, if they could not take the time to read Project 2025 like I could or even the cliff notes of it like my husband. no, you don't you don't get the privilege of being around my child and you certainly don't get to be alone with them in any capacity. [snorts] So, you know, part of part that you just said, I don't trust their judgment.
Oh, absolutely not. It's not even being punitive towards them, right? This is my most precious thing. This is where parenting becomes political because my for instance, my daughter had an invitation to go to a party of a very good and dear friend who we adore. And unfortunately, one of her parents voted for Trump in November.
And the mom did not, but the father did. And unfortunately, the mom was not going to be at home at this time because they have other children. And it was just going to be the dad. And look, before 2024, I probably would have said, "Yeah, go over to so- and so's house. Go have fun.
you know, I'll pick you up at 3 this time. " I was like, "Well, you know, I don't trust Mr. " And I said, "Well, you know, baby, I don't see what he's doing to repair it. [snorts] And you can regret it all you want, but regret without repair isn't redemption. So, I don't see how his judgment has changed.
" Oh my gosh, that is basically we can hang up now. That's I mean right they that's because Okay, thank you. And you know, not everybody, right, is not everybody is thinking like you or thinking about this or maybe drawing lines in the sand. And I don't want to say they're lines in the sand, but maybe even having these standards like my kid's not going to go here for this, which makes a lot of sense to me, reason, but some people are being completely silent in the face of it. And sometimes some people will say, I just didn't even vote for anybody.
That's how much I don't like it. I'm No, I get that a lot. And that's such a silence. What do you think that costs us because silence? You know, listen, one of my very dear friends from I mean we will we will both just not say how long we've been friends.
It's that long. but we've known each other at every stage of our lives. teens, young 20s, young wives, young mothers, old mothers, mothers of teens. We've known each other a long time and we've been through just about every evolution that you can go through as young women to whatever this pmenopausal state of ours is. And she does not like to talk politics, to which I [snorts] I go she goes, I'm just I'm just not into politics.
I'm like, well, politics isn't a you. So, what do if there's a fire, are you just going to shop around for quotes or are you going to call the fire department? And she's like, well, that's not political. I'm like, it absolutely is. Your tax dollars to fund the fire department.
And she's like, you know what I mean? I I don't I don't want to talk about Trump. Why not? Because we're not going to agree. What are we not going to agree on?
Well, you don't like him. What makes you think I don't like him? " Okay. There was an AI in 1991 when this picture was posted. " No.
If you wouldn't leave him with your kid, why would you leave him with your country? Why would you let it just when you get down to brass tax like this man has bankrupted everything he's touched including his own children who I mean their businesses aren't exactly on the up and up. I mean we're talking stealing from cancer charity. what about people who say, you know, I've heard this too and I this is we are like so I am not I am going to keep people on this podcast episode for so long. I'm so sorry, but I need to know what about what do you say to you know there are quite a few people that I know that voted for Trump that but that say they don't like him.
They don't like him but you know he's he's the best choice to lead the country. he's what he's doing is good for the country. Just out of curiosity, I would say, is it good for your children? Is it good for your daughter to see? Do you want your son to be like Trump?
That's what I would say. Well, because and that's the thing. So much of your work asks the question, what kind of people are we raising? Right. because and why do you think as mothers in particular have so much at stake in politics because and so much potential to change it?
Well, you know, I think a lot of default parenting rests on the backs of mothers. I think unfortunately that is the way our society has organized. We have crap for maternal health care in this country. We have crap for postpartum resources, for paid leave. Just as just as a just a reference point, when my oldest was born, my husband got a week off, one week for paternity leave.
I had a I had a C-section and he got an extra week for that. So, I had two weeks of help at home before my husband had to go back to work. I wasn't even fully recovered from C-section yet. Now, thankfully, I was a stay-at-home mom, but had I been the sole provider in our family and had to go back to work, I don't know how I would have done that. our country does not really value what we do but definitely wants us to keep doing it.
yes. Yes. You know, now when my last child was born in 2021, my husband had a standard month off and because I had a C-section with my son, he had an extra two weeks and then he was able to take family medical leave. And so, you know, thankfully, my husband was able to be home and he's kind of taken on some of the default parenting with our son, but you know, I just feel like mothers, we're we just know how to get it done. But so, for so long, I feel like motherhood was treated as like private, domestic, apolitical, right?
were just well think about, you know, coming from coming from a place in the South, and even though New Orleans is a is a blue dot in a very red state, we're still southern. you know, it's, oh, you want to be polite. You want to be polite. You know, I'm not interested in making you comfortable. I'm interested in making sure that my children have better than I do.
And that's kind of the whole point of parenting is that we leave them better than what we had. And going back to that Roie Wade overturn moment, [snorts] mama was crying because they don't have it better. And that's not how it's supposed to be. It's not how it's supposed to be. So I think mothers, you know, our whole goal when we meet our children for the first time, whether it's in our arms at the hospital or given to us by a surrogate or a birth parent, we have a connection where and a promise where we say this is for you.
This is for you. I am for you. And sometimes they take that a little too literally and they will take all of your stuff. " They're like, "I need your AirPods. How do I connect your AirPods?
" I'm like, "It's 7. It's a Saturday. " you know, I think a lot of us, especially parents with careers outside of the home, [snorts] at the end of the day, how you define yourself. I bet if you're a parent, parent comes in there. Look at how politicians define themselves.
even like Mikey Cheryl in this, you know, last New Jersey race. I was I was watching Obama speak and he introduced her and he's introducing her saying, you know, it she's got these children, but she wants to take on, you know, politics. And I'm I'm like, yeah, I'd rather deal with politics, too, than other people's children. But yeah, I get it. you know, it's it's just mom is going to be in your bio, dad is going to be in your bio somewhere.
You know, when politicians send out their flyers, it's not just a big picture of them next to a flag. Most often they've got the wife, they've got the three kids. Some people put in that token golden retriever. And you know, it's just parenting is part of your identity. It's not all of it, but it's a big chunk.
But I and I feel like though what I'm even just on social media, maybe it's just me and it's my feed and stuff, but you see more moms. I don't see a lot of movements that have the word dad in it. And I'm not knocking dads. They've certainly got they're doing they're doing their thing, but a lot of like movements. There's mom's running, moms demand action, your resist like a mother.
There's something about that. And I hate the phrase the mama bear, but there is something so fierce about the way we'll be willing to protect our children. You know, I think bear with me through this metaphor, but you know that choice, it was very viral last year or maybe even the year before. I don't I don't know. I'm lucky I know my own name sometimes.
it was do we choose the man or the bear? " If you have to be alone in the forest with a random man or a random bear, who do you choose to be alone with? " And I made a meme with Belle from Beauty and the Beast and Beast. And I was like, since the early 90s, we've been choosing the bear. And I kid you not, all of these men were like, he's technically not a bear.
He's technically a beast. He's He's not a bear. Like, are you mansplaining Beauty and the Beast to me on this? Like, are you really doing that right now? This is why I choose the bear.
The bear is just going to eat me and get it over with. You are going to mansplain probably rape me. God only knows what else. worst case scenario, I'm going to have to meet your mom. so you know, yeah, I'm gonna choose the bear, but I think a lot of women chose the bear because we are the [ __ ] bear.
We are the bear. We are the mama bear. And you may not really like that term, but hear me out. Mama bears, we'll fight till the end. You mess with one of our cubs, we will come get you.
We will find you. We will find your mom and you're going to apologize to my cub. Oh, yeah. I like that. And you know, it's funny.
I've seen memes of like you know, you say like that mother who's still mad at like something that happened to their kid in school and their kid's like 35. You know, I'm like this I this relates so much because you don't forget either. you're held your child up, you remember you didn't. And listen, my mom, we're looking at a preschools for my son right now. " I was like, "Yeah, yeah, he did.
" Yes, he did. " And she's like, I never liked him. Never. I told you. I mean, this was a 30inut conversation.
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Here's the thing. When I I made it a point to say this specifically, your cub is going to apologize to my cub. Not I'm gonna take your cub out. Not I'm gonna destroy your cub. as much as I would like to throttle your cub.
I'm not gonna do that because all kids belong to us. If I see your kid hurting, I'm going to try to make them feel better. Every mom has had this moment where we've been in a store, we've been in Barnes & Noble, we see a toddler having a meltdown. We feel for that mom. If you're one of the moms that is side eyeing in judgment, or worse, you're one of the grandoms side eyeing in judgment.
Shame. Shame. [snorts] Insert Game of Thrones meme. because real moms don't do that. " Real moms hold the door while you carry out your child's surfboard style.
real moms, you know, we get it. Don't they don't shame other moms, right? because mom shaming is kind of like one [clears throat] of the dirtiest things you can do. you know, I just when I say like your cub is going to apologize to my cub is because we're going to teach our cubs to treat each other with respect and come together. We're not going to teach our cubs to hate each other.
my children when we're watching the news and we see politicians that we don't agree with on a moral level, not just a policy level, but a moral level. We don't hate them. We pity them and we want them to do better. That is very big of you. look, I'm not saying it's easy, but I don't think any parent wants their kid to grow up hateful.
No. Well, you don't think so. Nobody wants to be mired in hate. I don't think anybody wants that. I think at the end of the day, what we want is a safe place to land.
I personally, a cold diet coke from McDonald's, preferably. and I want to know that my babies are okay. And unfortunately, a lot of people can't say that at the end of the day because the government in charge making policies that aren't humane. Yeah. Well, and I was going to say, you know, there's first of all, there are there are so many people who are being affected by these policies, who don't have the luxury of checking out, right?
Because they're literally worried about somebody knocking at their front door. Then to you, right? Then there are people like you and I who by the by the luck of the draw happen to have skin that isn't putting us at color that isn't putting us at risk, right? so some and a and here's the thing universally we're tired. This has been going on a long time.
It just seems to be getting worse. People are both exhausted but then also incredibly awake. What do you say to them? How can people start resisting without burning out and checking out? Actually, I kind of want to bring something back because it reminded me of something when you said, "Why do you think mothers are kind of propelling these movements and dads are kind of not on the sidelines, but always kind of maybe not the first to step up.
[snorts] It's because from the time women are born, we are taught to not take candy from strangers to when I started driving, make sure I park under a street light in the parking lot. Make sure I lock my car doors when I get out. When I'm walking back to my car, make sure my key is in my hand like this. Make sure I look under the car so there isn't someone hiding under there ready to slice my Achilles tendon. make sure someone isn't in the back seat.
We are taught to be hyper aware of the person following us through a store. We are taught to be hyper aware of the person that looks at us a little too long. We are taught to be hyper aware of our surroundings, the exits, where we go, who we go with, what time we left. Make sure our friend knows from I mean from the time I was a kid. It's the buddy system.
And my husband certainly didn't have to do that. And you know, when I go out with our children, we have a code word for if you want to leave because you feel unsafe for any reason you say this word, I drop what we have. We're out the store. my husband, he's like, "What? " [snorts] And I'm like, "Leave.
" And [snorts] moms have pattern recognition. We know the guy that doesn't belong at the park. We know that when we're watching our kids on the merrygoround or the swing set and there's this weird guy that just keeps walking around, maybe taking pictures, maybe just sitting there on his phone. We don't know. We don't want to find out.
We get our kids, we tell the mom sitting at the bench over there, "Hey, see the creep? " We've got pattern recognition. " Oh, they and I think too what you mentioned about your like everybody's children are our children. There is that idea of universal mothering. Like even when you just said this a few weeks ago, months ago, weeks slash few months ago, I took my daughter to see the Lumers.
We love the Lumers and it was just the two of us. It was like this beautiful night. Awesome. And in front of us there was a you know there's a row and there were there was a couple and at first it was super annoying because this couple would not stop making out and like the PDA was over the top. I mean, and it was so they were so intense that other people in other rows were commenting like, I guess they're missing the whole show because even when they sat down, they were just like looking at each other's faces and just so it was intense and it was a lot.
It was enough to draw your eye. " Like the show's going on. Like just don't pay attention to them. At some point, this couple who obviously have been drinking. It wasn't like they started fighting and they're arguing and now like now they're sitting down and the guy's got his head in his hands and he's like [snorts] very frustrated and the girl's like simultaneously like she's like silent like maybe crying or but then she's texting her friend and then they start talking and we don't it's loud.
You can't hear what's happening, but you can hear that this is you can tell this is not going smoothly. And all of a sudden, you see the guy, the girl starts texting, and I can see cuz I'm right behind her that she's texting Uber. She's like, she's going to get a ride home. And he grabs her phone. And I'm like, and she real quick got it.
She real quick got it back. And it's me and my daughter. And there's another family next to me, a mom, dad, and three daughters. You're like in the family section, this couple. And then right in front of me, two doors, two seats down from the girl is another mom.
And I tap that mom and she's like, "I got it. " And that is just what you do as a mom. you because any day that could be your girl, right? Like any and Yeah. Anyway, I feel like it's that kind of thing.
Not that my husband wouldn't get involved or wouldn't stand up for somebody, but I feel like a lot of times men and not wrongfully so, they will say another guy is stepping another somebody else is handling it and that guy often looks like them, right? So that's not Don't wait. You know, if I see your kid fall on the playground and hit his head, I'm getting up. I'm getting up off of the bench. I'm going over there the same time you are.
I'm not waiting for you to get up. And you know, that's not out of disrespect or anything. That's not saying you can't handle it. It's saying I see a hurt child. What can I do to help?
And I [clears throat] just I don't I don't know if that translates universally across the sexes or not, but I think parents, yeah, you definitely have more of an instinct to do it. And I think mothers, yeah, we kind of have it more than dads a little bit, but you know what? I know some really involved dads. I know some really kind of lax moms. But I know this.
Totally true. I know this. I will never not see a parent get involved when they see a hurt kid. And the And when I mean get involved, I mean in front of them. I'm not talking about when they see it on TV and they can change the channel.
I'm not talking about when they hear about it happening in Chicago or they hear about it happening in LA or DC. I'm [snorts] talking about when it's right in front of them. And when it's right in front of them, there's not one that doesn't rush. And case in point, last night my daughter has a lacrosse practice, you know, you get hit in the face, you're going to bleed. Okay, happens.
Moms, dads, coaches, everybody's, "Oh, can we get can we get this? " The medical personnel or the parents are coming in, you know, they're like, "Oh, yeah. It looks good. You're fine. You're fine.
just sit out for a little bit. You're fine. You just get your, you know, everybody's coming in to check. And the only thing I can say is if you're not one of those people who would check, maybe re-evaluate your parenting style. And that's not shaming.
That's asking you to evaluate or even just your humanity, right? You know, I feel like at that point I'm just by asking I end the conversation there. Yeah. Let me ask you one last question. because I could have you here all day.
When you imagine what it the idea, the concept of resist like a mother, what do you think that looks like in practice, not just online, but in daily life for other people who maybe aren't as outspoken or aren't as brave with the vitriolic responses or what they're, you know, perceived. Get over it. Get over it. Pick yourself up. Get over it.
I'd like to refer to November 6, 2024 me as Offred. And I like to refer to November 7th, 2025 me as Mad Men's Peggy Olsen walking out with her, you know, box and her cigarette hanging out of her mouth from Offred to Olsen. Here you don't get the luxury of staying quiet anymore. If you're still staying quiet at this point in the game, you're making an active choice. You are making an active choice for you.
You are making an active choice for your children. And honestly, you're making the wrong one. Because if you are silent right now, you're complicit. Oh, Rene. If you are silent, you I want you to know what I think of you.
I want you to know that I think you don't even have the balls to be on the other side of my viewpoint. You have the balls to be neutral while citizens I'm not talking about your illegal aliens, which is just how are you still using that verbiage in 2025, but I'm talking about US citizens. US children being detained by ICE by mistakes in 2025. Are you telling me that the country you love, that the so-called greatest country in the world that you love is not worth speaking up for? That you are going to be quiet.
I would much rather hear that you think Trump is the greatest president and have a viewpoint than for you to sit on the sidelines because it's more comfortable because it is going to get to a point where it's not comfortable for you anymore. And I think women know that because while you and I have said a few times during this podcast that we are lucky enough and sadly we have to say lucky enough to be born with the skin color that we do. We're still women. We are on that we are on that hierarchy of where we go. Okay.
So right now, yeah, it is black and brown people, but then it's going to go to women and eventually it will trickle down to the very privileged white men. Maybe, I don't know, but I know it's going to be the black and brown people, then it's going to go to all women. And I don't want to live in that world. So if you're still silent, you're comfortable now, but you are paying for that comfort on like highinterest credit. You are borrowing from your children's comfort.
And that's not okay. It's not. Renee, I can't thank you enough for everything that you're doing, both here, spending this time with me and our guests, and also for what you're doing on your own. You are Thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you for having me. This is actually the very first podcast that I have ever done. So, this is my I this is my first time. Danielle, you and me.
I'm thrilled that I could be that person. Thank you, Renee. It was good for me. I hope it was good for you. It was great.
Thanks so much for listening to Roar. And huge thanks to Renee Niemann for such an honest, thought-provoking conversation. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow, rate, and share Roar. It really helps other listeners find the show. Next week, I'm joined by Alex Gaye from Bankrate for a deep dive into the gender wage gap.
What's driving it? What's changing? And what women can do to reclaim their financial power. I'm Danielle Davies. Thanks for being here.
We'll see you next week.
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